"She accidentally smoked crack."
"She accidentally smoked crack?!?"
"Yep. And she gained weight too, like 200 pounds. Easily."
"Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkk. But Side note, did you see that episode of 'Girls' where Shoshana accidentally smokes crack?"
"Yeah, it was fucking hilarious."
"So I haven't hit rock bottom yet, have I?"
"Not even close."
"Sweet... God dammit. I got queso on my iPhone again."
As much as I like to self pity myself. I'm nowhere near the path of destruction I like to pretend I'm teetering so closely to.
Honestly it's just an excuse to use Hellman mayo as a comfort food with my friends in public.
"Don't you dare make that 'I'm going to fucking hurl" face! I'm really hurting right now!"
Hellman's and unnecessary guilt... Delicious.
Does this mean I'm officially okay? Meh. Sort of.
But don't tell my friends I said that. If there is one thing I never want to give up, it is forcing my friends to pretend that it is socially acceptable to pull out a vat of mayo in central park.
...because IT IS socially acceptable to pull out a vat of mayo in central park.
A girl can dream.