It never ceases to amaze me how appalling the normal human being can be when goods and/or services are involved.
Being a dick to the person behind the register is not going to get you what you want. Being a dick to the customer service lady is not going to get you what you want.
ACTUALLY, pretending like you care about the customer service lady’s teacup poodle, while they look to see if they can order your iPhone three weeks before your original upgrade date is the best way to get what you want.
I know, America. I know. We’ve been told that to get stuff done men need to be assholes and women need to be stone cold bitches. But this is just a lie that assholes and bitches have repeatedly told us all to feel less crappy about their own personal crappy actions upon society.
You want to get something? Be nice. Be overly enthused by the person’s mere existence on Earth. Shoot. Tell them they piss intelligence and oooooooooooooze sex appeal. Lavish them with compliments. And maybe buy them some chocolate? I don’t know, chocolate always makes me nicer, so I’m assuming that tactic will work on everyone.
This is not rocket science, people. We’ve all been in this situation before. Whether you were the person being crapped on, or if you were the crapper-oner.
I just recently had my phone go to the crapper three weeks before the original upgrade date and after repeatedly being told that I would have to wait at least two more weeks to replace my phone, I bit the bullet and finally called the main customer service line.
After being on hold for Christ’s knows how long, frustrated and a little bloated, I was furious. I wanted to lash out at whoever was going to be on the other line. But I didn’t. I’ve been on the other side of this situation, and I knew if I had one hint of attitude in my voice, I wasn’t going to get squat.
So I bit my tongue, pretended like I was a southern belle, and allowed the compliments to roll off the tip of my tongue.
“Oh my goodness gracious! You have a poodle? Well do tell!”
Maybe this is just a unique situation for myself, but I have this weird ability to get strangers to talk about anything. Either that, or I just know when to be nice to get what I want.
Next thing I know she says the magical words,
“Well let me just check something.”
Three days later, I had my brand new iPhone. All because I was nice to the stranger with the power, well that and my killer southern accent.