There’s nothing more pathetic than the moment you catch yourself hiding in the bathroom from the two kids under the age of nine just so you can check the phone that you thought vibrated in your back jean pocket which only turned out to be your fat ass...hitting the other part of your fat ass.
Okay well there is something more pathetic….and that would be this…right now…me taking the time to write down the previous statement on a napkin….because this whore (me) is too lazy to remember to bring her god damn notebook with her even though she knows something brilliant is going to hit her….but oh no no no…this whore thinks she’s smart enough to remember everything.
Whatever…I’m about to rock this shit…J.K. Rowling style.
But don’t expect any literary geniusness or some shit like that….but you can safely assume this post will be sprinkled with mild porn jokes and herpes…I don’t know. I don’t know.
Also…every guy I’ve ever boned that just accidentally clicked the link to my blog on facebook is freaking the fuck out right about now.
“I knew she had something, god damnit.”
Herpes was just a metaphor… for you had sex with a girl with herpes. HEYO!
Okay seriously I don’t. I like to wrap before I tap, thank you very much….well except that one time I didn’t…but I don’t.
And if you haven’t noticed…I’ve taken this post that did at one point have a sincere message, probably something about my fear of settling or my thoughts on the true meaning of life…something profound and genuine and have so subtly turned it into a joke about herpes and me somehow being a whore in some sort of a situation…
…I hope you’re laughing cause this is a gift my friends.
And now we are all just lost…
“What is this bitch talking about?”
What is this bitch talking about….I have no fucking clue….and I’m sober.
But maybe this is just what life is. Just stopping for a second and not thinking. Not a thought in the world but more of a moment, where you catch yourself in a setting that is void of words, because it’s the present.
You’ve had no time to think. There’s no need to think.
Sometimes I feel like I’m so caught up in my own thoughts/fears/online porn collection that I’m missing my own life.
For one moment in time I want to stop freaking out about the future…stop planning my every move and just chill…
Not trying to get all Ferris Bueller on your asses…but I’ve never really admitted this to myself…and I know if I don’t take the time to validate this fear it will engulf me.
And that’s what I want my life to be…just not thinking in the present of me not thinking.
Just don’t think.
….think about it.