I sometimes have to wonder whether or not if I actually do have a stage-5 clinger on my hands…or is this just some nightmare I’ve concocted in my head to avoid any level of commitment (with the opposite sex) yet again.
I have said it once….and I’ll sure as hell say it again…commitment makes me want to vomit. I just can’t jump on that commitment boat… it ‘s just to icky…
But I have to admit, my “love” life follows a very specific pattern:
Girl meets Boy. Boy is enchanted by the amount of racial slurs Girl is able to spew out in one hour. Girl is equally impressed by Boy constantly buying her drinks. Boy and Girl hook up. Girl says she only wants something casual. Boy agrees. Boy then says he can see this turning into a relationship. Girl excuses herself from the room. Boy reaches out constantly to Girl via text/phone calls/emoticons. Girl blatantly ignores texts/phone calls/emoticons. Boy is forced to give up. Girl is happy, once again.
There is something wrong with me and I wholeheartedly admit that. As soon as guys start saying shit like, “You’re so pretty”… “You’re so beautiful”… “I’m kind of kinky.” I bounce the fuck out of that situation. And I bounce the fuck out real quick.
It’s not that I see relationships as a bad thing…well actually that’s total horse shit…I definitely see them as a bad thing, for myself that is.
And don’t give me that, “You have to love yourself, before you can allow yourself to be loved” bullshit. Because believe me…I love myself… a lot. I think I’m awesome. And cute as a mother fucking button and quite honestly I don’t need a dude constantly telling me that.
…and seeing as I have the maturity level of a 5 year-old…a boy constantly telling you that you’re pretty is my definition of a “mature relationship.”
Will I ever grow up? Will I ever want to be “loved?” Did writing “loved” make me vomit?
Who knows…except for the last question…which was a resounding “yes.”