1. Found a mouse in my kitchen…he’s brown…I named him Fernando and shall feed him cheese and mayo…and tiny bottle caps filled with Patron…and once he gets big enough I shall enter him into the underground “apartment-mouse fighting championship”…and he will win…and then… I will eat him.
2. Woke up before Matt (my roommate) so I could stink up the bathroom before him.
3. Forgot to put on deodorant.
4. Counted the white people outside my apartment.
5. Tried to set up the DVD player to watch “Mean Girls”
6. Yelled at Matt (my roommate) to help me set up the DVD player… “I have a vagina…I can’t do this shit!”
7. Ate Chinese food while Matt (my roommate) attempted to set up the DVD player.
8. Laughed at Matt (my roommate) when he couldn’t figure out how to set up the DVD player.
9. Watched “Mean Girls”.
10. Watched Matt (my roommate) scream like a prepubescent child as he saw the mouse run behind his bed.
11. Tried to figure out why my room smells like weed.
12. Put my rosaries next to my pack of condoms…I dunno, just felt right.
13. Found my old stash of weed packed next to my holy water…I dunno, just felt right.
14. Watched “Forrest Gump”…Telemundo style.
15. Killed Fernando.
16. Cried about killing Fernando.
17. Ate Ramen.
18. Ate more Ramen.