1. Found a mouse in my kitchen…he’s brown…I named him Fernando and shall feed him cheese and mayo…and tiny bottle caps filled with Patron…and once he gets big enough I shall enter him into the underground “apartment-mouse fighting championship”…and he will win…and then… I will eat him.
2. Woke up before Matt (my roommate) so I could stink up the bathroom before him.
3. Forgot to put on deodorant.
4. Counted the white people outside my apartment.
5. Tried to set up the DVD player to watch “Mean Girls”
6. Yelled at Matt (my roommate) to help me set up the DVD player… “I have a vagina…I can’t do this shit!”
7. Ate Chinese food while Matt (my roommate) attempted to set up the DVD player.
8. Laughed at Matt (my roommate) when he couldn’t figure out how to set up the DVD player.
9. Watched “Mean Girls”.
10. Watched Matt (my roommate) scream like a prepubescent child as he saw the mouse run behind his bed.
11. Tried to figure out why my room smells like weed.
12. Put my rosaries next to my pack of condoms…I dunno, just felt right.
13. Found my old stash of weed packed next to my holy water…I dunno, just felt right.
14. Watched “Forrest Gump”…Telemundo style.
15. Killed Fernando.
16. Cried about killing Fernando.
17. Ate Ramen.
18. Ate more Ramen.
aww poor fernando! :-( p.s. mean girls is awesome. "I cant help that i have a heavy flow and a wide set vagina."
ReplyDeleteWell, I hope the city is treating you well.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the urban playground. It makes everything better.
MADAME DUDE! Your blog rocks my fuckin' socks off. That's all I can say because I am speechless. Excellence.
ReplyDeletesounds like you're fitting in just fine...happy to have you here in NYC!!
ReplyDeleteGuess he won't be winning any races... oh and, a dude who can't connect a DVD?! Oh-boy.
ReplyDeleteM
Sounds like success!
ReplyDeleteAww, I'm sad you ate Fernando before you could fight him. What a waste!
ReplyDeleteOh my God poor Fernando. :(
ReplyDeleteI still love you, but how dare YOU!??!
Please tell me you at least ate him. I mean, a death seems so much less pointless when it's paired with mayonnaise.
ReplyDeleteLol, sounds kinda like an awesome time. I envy you.
ReplyDelete