I hate the moments when I realize that why yes, in fact I am a girl.
…like when I can’t open a pickle jar without one of those old lady finger pad thingies…or when I realize that I have no clue how to properly use lighter fluid…OR when I look down at my legs and I don’t see a penis dangling in between my hairy legs….
Side note: Dude, if I had a penis…I’d play with that shit all day long. I’d jerk it…do card tricks with it…turn it into a lasso, and try to…um…lasso shit…hit people with it (in a nonsexual manner of course.) Oh god…the list just goes on forever.
Any who…I’m a pretty independent person…and I intend to keep it that way…so when these little nuances…like not having a penis…or upper body strength…pop up…this bitch gets pissed.
And I know I could probably fix this situation, by doing a couple of push-ups…and reading directions.
But where is the fun in that? There isn’t any. It’s fucking work. I don’t like work.
It’s a catch-22 really. I want to stay independent….but I'm cute so don’t want to do any of the work.
Look, I’m good at three things…writing…straightening my hair…creating perfectly timed black jokes….you don’t need upper body strength for these skills…unless the black joke goes awry.
I’m okay with that.
I know some of you feminists out there are not. You guys annoy me anyways…so I don’t really care if
I piss that lot off.
So all in all…all this being annoyingly pissed off about, since I’m a girl that there will be moments where I can’t be a 100% independent, made me realize a huge flaw in this logic. What if I was just dependent on someone for a change? What’s the harm in that shit?
It’s a win-win really. I don’t have to do any of the work…and I get to lie to myself and say I’m still independent.
Did I just grow up a little?
Whatever, I’m pretty. Don’t contradict me.
I'd take a penis but only for one week out of the month. The penis wouldn't even be a problem I'd totally play with it too it's the balls that come with it. I mean really how do men not waddle like a duck? This I have pondered for a long time now.
ReplyDeleteI imagine a penis would be incredibly entertaining although very time consuming, I can see myself sitting in the bath just staring at it for ages like a water serpent, men definitely don't make the most of them
ReplyDeleteI do love being a girl however so don't think I would swap my life just to play with a penis whenever I felt like it, I mean I'm pretty hot I can play with a penis whenever I feel like it anyway...
Feminists have been trying to ruin my love of being lazy since I was born...annoying. If I ever get myself a penis I'm going to chase them with it.
Ah, I often tell myself I wish I could have a dick for like one day! Oh the things I could do and get away with!
ReplyDeletehahahahahah
ReplyDeleteIf I had a penis,
1)I'd screw every walking thing that would let me. Man or woman!
2) I'd HAVE to work from home cos I'd never stop having my hands down my pants!
Now men can say women can play with our boobs all day long etc.. but note to men: It's not the same if we're doing it to ourselves. And don't even get me started on the difference between masterbating for men and women...
Your penis is there dangling, (if you're lucky) taunting you to play with it.. women, well, we have to dig for gold. So not only can you stand while peeing, you have the playing with yourself is easier card too.
Yup, I have penis envy.
@Jessica - I wonder the same thing too. How do men not get chaffing between their legs from their balls in the sweaty summer?
Wait wait.... so does this mean there is some dude in the wings who you might just depend on? Perhaps a girl? Or some kind of creature? Or is this a maybe someday sort of thing?
ReplyDeletethe biggest time i hate being a girl is when the "girl time" comes every month. it makes me bitchy, makes me all overly emotional, makes me horny when i can do nothing to satisfy that, and makes me eat everything in sight. stupid girl stuff.
ReplyDeletelove, little.
I can't lift heavy things or change my oil. My husband can't fold laundry or feed the cats wet food without vomiting. Everyone needs help, because no one can be everything.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I have no desire for a penis but I wish to god I had a pair of balls. They look like so much fun to play with.
Hehehe so true ladies!
ReplyDeleteNot to rub it in but penises can do amazing tricks... its a very very well kept secret among men. In fact they are extremely funny and entertaining.... um... I think I've said too much. Gotta go!
ReplyDeleteI don't like girls. So if I had a penis, I'd be gay. Weird...
ReplyDeleteI want you in my life. Is there a pocket-sized you for sale?
ReplyDeleteI feel the exact same way about boobs.
ReplyDeleteIf I had a penis, I would dress it up in puppet costumes.
ReplyDeleteA willy is fun, but it does not open up that damn old el paso burrito sauce bottle. I still have to use that 'special needs' can opener every now n then...
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