There’s nothing more pathetic than the moment you catch yourself eating in your car during your lunch hour just so you don’t have to deal with the forced social interactions that lurk within the company break room.
Okay well there is something more pathetic….and that would be this…right now…me taking the time to write down the previous statement on a napkin….because this whore (me) is too lazy to remember to bring her god damn notebook for the lunch break that she just knows something brilliant is going to hit her….but oh no no no…this whore thinks she’s smart enough to remember everything.
….she isn’t.
Whatever…I’m about to rock this shit…J.K. Rowling style.
Boom, bitches.
But don’t expect any literary geniusness or some shit like that….but you can safely assume this post will be sprinkled with mild porn jokes and herpes…I don’t know. I don’t know.
Also…every guy I’ve ever boned that just accidently clicked the link to my blog on facebook is freaking the fuck out right about now.
“I knew she had something, god damnit.”
Herpes was just a metaphor… for you had sex with a girl with herpes. HEYO!
Okay seriously I don’t. I like to wrap before I tap, thank you very much….well except that one time I didn’t…but I don’t.
And if you haven’t noticed…I’ve taken this post that did at one point have a sincere message, probably something about my fear of settling or my thoughts on the true meaning of life…something profound and genuine and have so subtly turned it into a joke about herpes and me somehow being a whore in some sort of a situation…
…I hope you’re laughing cause this is a gift my friends.
And now we are all just lost…
“What is this bitch talking about?”
What is this bitch talking about….I have no fucking clue….and I’m sober.
But maybe this is just what life is. Just stopping for a second and not thinking. Not a thought in the world but more of a moment, where you catch yourself in a setting that is void of words, because it’s the present.
You’ve had no time to think. There’s no need to think.
Sometimes I feel like I’m so caught up in my own thoughts/fears/online porn collection that I’m missing my own life.
For one moment in time I want to stop freaking out about the future…stop planning my every move and just chill…
Not trying to get all Ferris Bueller on your asses…but I’ve never really admitted this to myself…and I know if I don’t take the time to validate this fear it will engulf me.
And that’s what I want my life to be…just not thinking in the present of me not thinking.
Just don’t think.
….think about it.
Funny Post I often forget my notebook to keep track of my random thoughts to blog too
ReplyDeletehttp://audacioustori.blogspot.com/
My most "brilliant" ideas always come to me when there is no pen or paper in sight. It sucks because I try to remember and I always forget. Good thing you found a napkin!
ReplyDeleteSober is over rated.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the 600 followers by the way.
Baby cakes this post was INCREDIBLE!
ReplyDeleteSeriously it was just perfect. Random is the way to go I think. And not *one* mention of mayo? Oh yeah. GENIUS.
"But maybe this is just what life is. Just stopping for a second and not thinking. Not a thought in the world but more of a moment, where you catch yourself in a setting that is void of words, because it’s the present." - Possibly the most moving thing you have ever wrote, except from the post where you wished you had a penis, i relate to that.. and yes it moved me.
ReplyDeleteI so wish i drove to work so i could avoid the whole forced social hour that comes with eating. I don't want to eat and talk, i'm a lady eat eat with my mouth closed. SHIT! Only thing more annoying is forced work nights out and seeing your boss get more and more pissed and actually become human (freaks me the hell out).
I get way too excited when i comment on your blog so excuse the sloppy typos
ReplyDeletea friend of mine had as his status on facebook today: "i hate when i get life-changing revelations at work, because i can't take the time to write them down." it seems to be catching.
ReplyDeleteI can dig it. And I totally get ditching the work break room. Yep.
ReplyDeleteI actually never had the privilege of working somewhere with a break room. I would very much like to sit there and observe.
ReplyDeletei think I watch too much of The Office. Oh well.
My best ideas come to me in the shower. It is a gift and a curse.
Ha ha... ha?
ReplyDeleteI never go to the breakroom during lunch. I'd rather starve and/or eat my socks.
The beginning of this really made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteI have a little note pad that is my designated "thoughts & ideas" scratch pad. It always ends up filled with official things for work instead of ideas for writing.
My actual ideas for writing, meanwhile, end up on envelopes, post-its, and an assosrtment of napkins, book covers, and bills that end up everywhere, soaked in rum and almost illegible.
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ReplyDelete