Monday, March 14, 2011

How much alike is too alike?

My mother and I are obviously alike, but to be quite honest, I never truly understood to what extent.

Well…. I didn’t understand until the exact moment when my dad accidently grabbed my ass because…and I quote, “You look just like your mother from behind.”

………..yeah.

It doesn’t end there. Oh, no no no no.  Why would it? That’s just the tip of the iceberg. And while yes, we look exactly the same… is it really that weird for a 22 year-old daughter to look EXACTLY like her 52 year-old mother?

Isn’t that just the basic philosophy of Botox/Low-Carb Diets/the McLobster?

I shit you not a cashier once said to me and my mother….

“Well at least… when your mother dies, every time you look in the mirror…it will be like she never left.”

Needless to say, this didn’t exactly please my mother….

“What the fucking fuck?!”

And even with all this evidence just looming over my head, the real ephimamy didn’t quite hit until I revealed to my mother that when I iron (…which yes…is the only chore I do for them while I live in their house rent free…and yes, they also pay me to do…) I only wear a bra and underwear.

…for two reasons, assholes already judging me…1. I get really hot when I iron…I’m holding a fucking iron, god damnit….and… 2. I’m kind of a whore…

Tomato. Tomato.

….hmm. That saying doesn’t seem to make as much sense on paper…

Anywho…It wasn’t until I told my mother this quaint little fact about myself, that she dropped a doozy of her own.

“Hmm, well that’s funny…cause when no one’s home…I clean naked.”

……yeah.

Like I said….Exact. Same. Person.

And it’s kinda of weird too, you know? To know what you future entails?

Like, I can tell you that my feet will stop smelling randomly at age 40.

My voice will never change…I will always sound like I’m 14.

The addiction to porn? Never-ending.

Regrettable tattoos? None…that I’m aware of.

So while you all freak about future your weight-gain/wrinkles/drooping balls and/or boobies I’m going to do what I do best, pop open a beer, turn on the tube and stare at the Miracle Whip container until I can turn in into mayo…with the power of my mind.

11 comments:

  1. I get all the time when my mom and I go shopping that we look like sisters! I always get pissed off because I know my age and I know hers, there is no way in hell I look that OLD! While my mom just eats it up doing her little dance on the way out of the store, she's riding on cloud Fucking 9! Then all day she reminds me that so-and-so from Store said I look like your sister (cackles to herself). I mean granite I hope when I'm her age I can be as happy as she is about some small comment that I look like I'm in my twenties when I'm in my Forties, but DAMN! It sucks until then when I have to deal with strangers telling her we look like sisters.

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  2. My mom and I are alike..but not that alike. Don't worry though, you are not alone...I think there are alot of people in this world (myself included) that clean and iron partially or fully nude...WINNING! (sorry just heard alot of Charlie Sheen videos)

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  3. Lol, it's always scary to me, realizing how alike your parents you are. I really like to be naked, apparently my dad had a similar penchant and would often run around naked outside when it was raining. He said it felt better than a shower. Haven't done that one but it's a new idea I'll be exploring... :D

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  4. I hope my feet stop smelling when I'm 40! haha

    Your mom sounds awesome, so you're going to be even more awesome when you grow up. Yes, I did say grow up. I'm waiting to become a grown up myself.

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  5. I resemble my mother but not quite this magical level. The best thing about my mom is that she outright denies our resemblance like she didn't pop me out of her vag. Weirdo.

    Lor

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  6. don't feel bad: the longer i'm alive, the more i come to resemble my dad. that's distressing for a 29-year-old woman.

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  7. No worries! I am exactly like my mom too! With the exception that I am a guy!

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  8. Naked cleaning and underwear ironing?

    That mixed with the fact that you both look the same allows me to conclude that you and her should have a reality show.

    Unless your father like mows the lawn naked, at which point I would stop watching.

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  9. I'm waiting for the day your mom starts blogging.

    I don't like being naked. I have to have boxer/briefs or I feel sleazy.

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  10. I always do chores in either my underwear or nothing at all. It just makes more sense because I'm going to get sweaty and dirty and jump right into the shower anyway, yes?

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  11. lol, cleaning and ironing naked. You guys are hilarious. I'd be worried about burns ;-) This is my first time reading your blog and that entry was just plain awesome.
    I can't believe that cashier was so rude. I would have said the same thing as your mom, what the fuckity fuck?

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