I know…I know…fuck.
My mother’s been reading it for months now actually, and I should of known…because let’s just say…she’s been performing…
“Why aren’t you writing that down?”
“Writing what down?”
“That thing… that thing that I just did…it was hilarious!”
“No it wasn’t.”
Now don’t get me wrong, this does not mean by any means that I shall be censoring myself…
I’ve kind of lucked out actually…she finds it hilarious…and she thinks my whoriness is exaggerated and tastefully colored with the subtly of my wit…that is what you call a win-win mother-fuckers.
But she’s not a fan of the cursing…
Fuck it…the cursing stays.
To be perfectly honest this is probably a blessing in disguise, my mom should be famous…so why not exploit her hilariousness and reap all the benefits?
Let’s just say…she’s got some pretty good one-liners:
“Lesbians don’t like to use tampons.”
“That is a tranny, Natalie. A TRANNY. I know my god damn trannies.”
“I don’t like indians.”
“Watching porn on an i-phone is bullshit…you can’t see anything.”
Suck on that, Kathy Griffin’s mom. Suck. On. That.
And she’s right….watching porn on an i-phone is bullshit.
Love you , mom.