So…I just found out my mom has been reading my blog (sup, Mom). And told some of my extended family about my blog (sup, extended family I see once a year and thus has no clue what I’m actually like…oh hey guess what, I’m kind of a whore if you couldn’t tell, okay…cool…see you next christmas).
I know…I know…fuck.
My mother’s been reading it for months now actually, and I should of known…because let’s just say…she’s been performing…
“Why aren’t you writing that down?”
“Writing what down?”
“That thing… that thing that I just did…it was hilarious!”
“No it wasn’t.”
“Well…I laughed.”
“Yes…only you…laughed.”
Now don’t get me wrong, this does not mean by any means that I shall be censoring myself…
I’ve kind of lucked out actually…she finds it hilarious…and she thinks my whoriness is exaggerated and tastefully colored with the subtly of my wit…that is what you call a win-win mother-fuckers.
But she’s not a fan of the cursing…
Fuck it…the cursing stays.
To be perfectly honest this is probably a blessing in disguise, my mom should be famous…so why not exploit her hilariousness and reap all the benefits?
…Exactly.
Let’s just say…she’s got some pretty good one-liners:
“Lesbians don’t like to use tampons.”
“That is a tranny, Natalie. A TRANNY. I know my god damn trannies.”
“I don’t like indians.”
“Watching porn on an i-phone is bullshit…you can’t see anything.”
Suck on that, Kathy Griffin’s mom. Suck. On. That.
And she’s right….watching porn on an i-phone is bullshit.
Love you , mom.
My mom reads my blog, too. And so does my dad, but I think sometimes he regrets it!
ReplyDeleteMy blog is really me so I don't give a rats ass if my family reads it......but I don't like my fiancee's family to read it. It just would be awkward.
ReplyDeleteHi Paige's Familly!
I worried for a sec, but thats great that you won't be *ahem* cleaning up around here. Just keep letting it all hang loose, literally and figuratively. I'm glad your mom likes your blog and good luck with your family reunions, that should make for more blog material :D.
ReplyDeleteMy mom would fucking flip if she read half the shit I wrote. You're lucky.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I'm aware my dad reads my blog and pretends he doesn't. Awkward, indeed.
my mom reads my blog too and also complained about my foul mouth. she even emailed me a full on novel because i used the word "pubic" instead of "public".
ReplyDeleteoh lol. i <3 catholics.
Best case scenario, your mom’s quotations go viral and William Shatner plays her in the resulting sitcom.
ReplyDeleteI mean, c’mon: Network TV, baby. You could literally make dozens of dollars.
Awkward...
ReplyDeleteAaaaaand your mom is officially awesome.
ReplyDeleteOh wow, I'm happy that she likes your blog. Hopefully she'll keep that faucet of hilarity running!
ReplyDeleteHI PAIGE'S MOM!!! You have an awesome daughter that makes me laugh lots.
ReplyDeleteAhaha she was bound to find out eventually. She obviously doesn't mind too much if she wants to guest star as a comedy Mum.
ReplyDeleteWOW! You are so lucky. My mom would simultaneously start crying, praying, and organizing an intervention if she read my blog. Not only does your mom LOVE IT, she is actually helping you with material. LUCKY
ReplyDeleteyeah - i don't want my parents ANYWHERE near my writing. that's a scary, scary thought. thank the gods that your mother is cool about it, though. that will make things easier.
ReplyDeletePlease tell me your mom is starting her own blog.
ReplyDeletePorn on a Droid isn't too bad when you're in a pinch.
My mom ripped me a new one in the comments section for all the F-bombs I threw out in one post. Needless to say I deleted her comment.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on having an awesomely cool mom :D
ReplyDeleteI just assume that my blog will be discovered so I'm careful with what I reveal
ReplyDeleteHaha if my mother read my blog she'd be rushed to the hospital from a heart act, I exploit everything in my life on my blog. She wouldn't be able to handle it.
ReplyDeleteWell its a great thing my mom or dad are not likely to read my couple of blogs....I get to retain what little sanity I can lay claim too!!!
ReplyDeleteI dont let any of my family read mine. and I even started a 2nd one just to be anonymous.
ReplyDeleteI guess I just spill too much way personal shit, to have my family "here" reading it.
That is hilarious that your mom (and extended family) reads your blog. I just came across your blog and found it pretty entertaining so I'll be back!
ReplyDeletehahaha that is hilarious. Why did she wait so long to tell you?? Also, your mom's one-liners literally had me laughing out loud.
ReplyDeletelmfao! she's right about everything except the lesbian/tampon thing. and indians? not sure about that one, either.
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