Scene: watching tv with my parents....a girl with very short hair comes on to the screen.
Mom: She's a lesbian.
Me: Just because she has short hair, doesn't make her a lesbian.
Mom: Don't question me...I can always tell....she likes girls.
Dad: I'm a lesbian.
Mom: You're not a lesbian.
Dad: I like girls.
Mom: I know.
Dad: So I'm a lesbian.
Mom: You have a penis.
Dad: I know.
Mom: So you're not a lesbian.
Dad: But I like girls.
Mom: Do you have a strap on?
Dad: What?
Mom: Do you have a strap on?
Dad: I don't think so.
Mom: So have you been tricking me this whole time?
Dad: Tricking you with what?
Mom: A strap on.
Dad: I don't have a strap on.
Mom: But you've been tricking me?
Dad: Yes.
Mom: With what?
Dad: I use that penis pump thingy.
....I wish this was a lie....
That was a fucking awesome story.
ReplyDeleteBwahahahahaha! niiiice :P
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOD.... Do you have a strap on??? hahaha, I don't know what I would do if I heard those words from my mother's mouth. Too funny, but I'm sorry for your trauma!!
ReplyDeletewow. just wow. sounds like a conversation my parents would have in front of me. haha. priceless.
ReplyDeleteNo, no, NO!
ReplyDeleteThis is an unacceptable exchange in the presence of offspring!
haha oh my gosh that is truly traumatizing.
ReplyDeleteOh Jesus noooooo. Your parents are TOO funny. Mine would never say these sorts of things.
ReplyDeleteTraumatizing indeed.
That is AWESOME! And so, so glad that it was not my parents having this conversation.
ReplyDeleteugh, parents. they say the most cringe-inducing things, and the older we get, the worse it is. my dad decided that once he turned 58, he didn't have to have a filter anymore. he just says whatever the hell crosses his mind, regardless of who's around and what the occasion is. scary times abound...
ReplyDeleteahahahahahahaah!
ReplyDeleteLOL!!!
ReplyDeletehaha, that was really freaking funny!
ReplyDeleteamberlashell.com
I think I'm even slightly traumatized now.
ReplyDeleteYeah.. this reminds me of the time in 8th grade, I had friends from my new school over for a sleepover. My dad thought that was a good time to have the "it's ok to masturbate" lesson. I could have died. Seriusly- everybody left and it's a good thing we weren't sued or something. :/
ReplyDeleteIt might be time to stop watching television with your parents.
ReplyDeleteThere are some lengths you just don’t want to go to in the name of “family time.”
Priceless!
ReplyDeleteis it wrong that this is one of my favorite Awkward Sex & the City posts of all time? BECAUSE IT TOTES IS
ReplyDeleteLove it too funny!
ReplyDelete