Okay America,
I get it. I look exactly like my mother. But …Oh. Dear. God. The next person that comes up to me and says, “By golly, it’s like looking at the Olsen twins…except wrinklier….and fatter…and not blonde/famous/or cute.”
…I’m going to cut you.
No seriously, bitches who feel the need to point of the obvious while wolfing down a McRib, I’m going to take my butcher knife out of my party poof and cut you…. yes cut you, with a smile on my face.
That’s my bread and butter, bitches…my bread and butter.
So let me just say this… you’ve been warned, America.
Seriously, last week someone said, “You can definitely tell ya’ll are kin.”
….There are so many things wrong with that statement.
First of all, who the fuck says kin anymore?
And B…what the fucking fuck?
Is it really that weird for a 22 year-old daughter to look EXACTLY like her 52 year-old mother.
Isn’t that the basic philosophy of Botox/Low-Carb Diets/Quiznos?
I’d show you a picture of my madre and me so you could see the resemblance, but my bro keeps snitching on me when I write about my parents.
Bro, you’re 26, stop snitching, or I won’t be your DD to the strip club this week...but thanks for reading my blog.
The worst part is my mom fucking loves that shit. Never fails to plaster a shit-eating grin on her face when she gets compared to someone 30 years younger than her.
“I bet I get carded today.”
“…Sure you will.”
She did… get carded that day. Whatever, I had braces then…it was a very weird scenario.
Well, to be perfectly honest she loved getting compared to me until just recently….
I shit you not, a cashier said this to me and my mother on Sunday….
“Well at least… when your mother dies, every time you look in the mirror…it will be like she never left.”
“…Great.”
I don’t think this pleased my mom….
“What the fucking fuck?!”
People say the same thing about me and my mom, but I see no resemblance what so ever. I don't know if they're brown nosing her or just trying to take a stab at me. I hate it.
ReplyDelete"By golly, it’s like looking at the Olsen twins… except wrinklier… and fatter… and not blond/famous/or cute."
ReplyDeleteDeathwish? Perhaps. Now I don't know you from Adam, or Eve for that matter but this just had to be done. ;) Just stirring the pot... dash of sarcasm, hint of 'in your face'.
Oh, and I hate the Olsen twins, just in case you wanted to know. Waste of space if you ask me.
Hahaha, I'm now in love with that cashier.
ReplyDeleteI get that I look like my mom quite a bit too...but oddly enough I also get that I look like another woman in town and so people ask me questions regarding my mom but actually meaning this other woman...confusing?!...yeah it comfuses the hell outta me too.
ReplyDeletesouthern people say "kin" all the time. actual conversation from my ninth-grade experience in alabama:
ReplyDeletehim: "hey! are you kin to me?"
me: i can assure you i'm not.
him: "wanna go to homecoming with me?"
[shudder.]
i always get told that i'm a dead ringer for my mother. it's kinda nice; she's no longer with us, so it makes me feel connected to her.
I like the word "kin." Southern people and old-fashioned people still say it, along with everyone who works in a hospital "Who is your next of kin?"
ReplyDeleteI personally like it when people tell me I look like my mom. She likes it, too. Especially when people ask if we're sisters.
I hate that! Ever since I was born comparing pictures of my mom at my age to now has been like looking in a mirror apparently. I admit some of them are creepy resemblances but you know what? Fuck it.
ReplyDeleteWhat pisses me off now is when people say I look exactly like her. I see some resemblances, but we do not look exactly alike. I am not her fucking twin, I'm her daughter.
But I am glad to have inherited the I look older/I look younger gene. I am 18 but I look like I'm in my 20's and hopefully, if all is right with this world when I'm 50 I'll look like I'm younger.
http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/
Thanks for the warning. I won't mention it, ever!
ReplyDeleteThat's one morbid cashier!
You kind of look like your mom. Am I the first person to say that?
ReplyDeleteI've already marked the spot I prefer to be stabbed in with an X.
WTF??? The death person is just... *shivers*
ReplyDeleteWhere was she a cashier at? A funeral home? I'm creeped out by her and sort of attracted to her all at once.
ReplyDeleteWhat the fucking fuck indeed! Who says that shit? I would have liked to say something like, "Oh, you mean the way that every time you look in the mirror it's like you're standing in front of a bitch?"
ReplyDeleteBitch.
That cashier needs some therapy or customer service training, because that shit is fucked up.
ReplyDeleteAhahaha that cashier is a fuckwit, did he not go to customer service training? He needs a good slap from his supervisor.
ReplyDeleteOn a good note, at least you look like your mum, i get "gosh she's the spit of her Dad, isn't she?" - Thanks, you just said i look like a six foot man with a hairy back, that's such a complement... you toad!
Wow, that cashier must really be trying to get fired, or have a death wish.
ReplyDeleteI used to be compared to this girl at my work a lot. People said we looked so alike. Awesome, right? Unfortunately, no, because apparently, people also considered her to be the slightly prettier version of me. ;)
hahaha! you know the cashier totally meant well, but it totally came out wrong! some people just aren't good with their words. LOL
ReplyDeleteWhat??? You didn't cut that cashier..just because?
ReplyDeleteNOBODY would have held that one against you sister (-:
That's the most fucked up thing in the world--what the hell was WRONG with that cashier??
ReplyDeleteNow I need to know who your mom is.
ReplyDelete