My parents have been happily married for 33 years…disgusting, I know. Every time they kiss in my presence I want to vomit (and I usually do).
True love is so 90s, yet they seem immune to the social norms of our society…lame.
But what really confuses me is the adverse affect this situation has seemed to have had on my general psyche; my parents 33 years of happy fidelity has produced a “fear of intimacy”, with a smidge of “fear of commitment” and a dab of “narcissim” with just a splash of “gassiness” within my black soul.
I mean, come on, I have a fucking blog…so yes, one can safely assume I am a narcissistic lady douche (with bad gas)… not that I would know or anything.
Any who, this douche (me) has an intimacy problem…and it’s gotten bad.
I can’t even stay in the same bed with a guy I just had sex with anymore. I usually try to kick the guy out right after the deed, but a couple of them caught on and pretended to be “asleep” as I profusely kicked them in the kidneys…those selfish bastards.
I have an issue and I am aware of that. I purposely go out of my way to find men that are emotionally unavailable, because I am one of them….small penis and all.
And for the most part, I don’t have an issue with this issue, unless I’m going through a dry spell, then I get pissed I don’t have a guy who is legally forced to have sex with me based soley on the fact that he is my boyfriend.
Most women are more emotional about sex than I am too, supposedly they even have a different word for it… they call it, love-making or even worse…cuddling.
And let me be frank, but thought of cuddling makes me gassy. The act of cuddling makes me gassy. Skittles after this so called “love-making” makes me gassy. So me kicking a dude out of my bed after sex, isn’t necessarily an intimacy issue it’s more of a “get the fuck out of my bed, or I’ma cut you fool and then fart into your flesh wound” issue.
…Whatever, it’s my fucking bed…house rules.
I'm pretty sure we're all fucked. I can't get a man to commit because his parents and grandparents have double-digit divorces between them. It's comforting to know that if I found a man whose parents were still happily married he would hate me too. Thanks for the uplifting post, Paige :)
ReplyDeleteCuddling is for the weak.
ReplyDeleteAnd also, boys stink in the morning.
My parents are also disgustingly in love. They like tickle each other and giggle and shit and it has given me the same problem you seem to be having.
ReplyDeleteNo idea what the correlation is or if it is just a coincidence but my skin is crawling just thinking about how uncomfortable I get when I have to wake up next to someone.
Guy always seem to worry that girls will get super serious after sleeping with them (I know some girls who do, so I'm not saying this never happens) but for me it's like as soon as I sleep with someone the only thing in my mind is how to figure out how to get the fuck out. or get them out.
I agree with the Lady's Lounge, i usually kick them out, if you cuddle you get attached. it's a fact.
ReplyDeleteI like cuddling. Don't judge.
ReplyDeleteStill heart you.
I used to be this way... Mostly because I didn't really like (or respect) the guys I was dating/hooking up with. Once I find a person who is worth all the mushy romantic shit, the fear of doing those things seems to go away. Somewhat... not completely.
ReplyDeletevery good stuff...good man
ReplyDeleteI used to have issues with men, only because deep down I either thought no one would understand me enough to even get close to loving me, or that they didn't deserve me...but once I stumbled upon someone who digs the real me, most of my issues have been resolved....
ReplyDeletenow the whole letting him know I piss and shit is a different story! My man accidentally hurt me fart last night and I'm still fucked up over that one o.O
virtual high five from narcissistic lady douche to another!!!
ReplyDeletexo
Maybe parents aren't the answer to our commitment issues. Easy to blame them..and feck it, some of them deserve to be blamed.
ReplyDeleteI really hate sleeping with a guy. Fucking I mostly enjoy, if the one night stand fairies have been nice to me and given me a good looking and skilful man. But I hate the 'sleeping' part.
And for the record..I am usually the unlucky girl who gets the guys who want more than a one night stand. If I wwent out looking for more than sex those guys would all run and hide under a bush.
Some weird fucked up control thing..they want to 'turn me' into a romantic soppy dishcloth.
BTW I hate when people refer to sex as cuddling too. (retches)
a girls gotta be pretty special for me to want to cuddle, although i admit i do like it sometimes
ReplyDeletewhat i hate is when they try to kiss you before they brush their teeth in the morning... not happening
Maybe its because you are gassy that you kick these guys out of bed. So they don't have hear you let one rip!
ReplyDeleteI like cuddling...and having sex...and then cuddling some more! So there...ha ha ha!
I'm so take-it-or-leave-it at this point. Took my friend getting engaged for me to realize that. Maybe apathy is the worst intimacy problem of all.
ReplyDeleteWeird... my parents have been divorced for more than ten years now, and that cause MY commitment problems. I wonder if it's just our whole generation then?
ReplyDeleteYou say you have a fear of intimacy. But what is intimacy to YOU?
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure my parents haven't kissed since I was born. They saw the fucking consequences of their actions and it threw the fear of God into them.
ReplyDeleteIt's your bed and it's your right to fuck and then kick out whoever you want!
ReplyDeleteBut you're lucky that your parents are still married and happy after so long. I wish mine were happy with each other, though they still live together.
My husband would love you. If he had his way, sex would immediately be followed by him finding and putting on his boxers, then going in the other room and fucking around his laptop while watching Discovery. We've had many talks about the importance of after-sex-cuddling, but the man just doesn't get it.
ReplyDeleteYou have a small penis? That sucks.
ReplyDeleteAww, that's ok, I'd still cuddle with your penis afterwards. ;) It's not about the size, its all about how you use it; and I'm all for pushing through people's personal boundaries. :)
ReplyDeleteWe should be friends.
ReplyDelete