Unemployment has made me realize one thing, that I can never ever ever become a housewife.
My hardest decision of the day has become whether or not to watch porn on this beautiful morning. And honestly, Wizards of Cocks just isn’t that entertaining after the umpteenth time.
“I’ll get you my pretty and your little penis too!”
It’s crazy how quickly our fantasies become our nightmares…
And the worst part is Wizards of Cocks isn't even a real porno. (That I know of, at least.) I just have so much free time on my hands, a whole whopping 24 hours a day, that I just made that up.
Help me…hire me…buy me a male prostitute…anything to get me out of this weird funk.
I’m going crazy!
I just sprayed vanilla icing on a mini donut… that will probably be the highlight of my day.
I’ve even become that girl…. that girl who talks about her blog constantly. It’s so sad. I won’t even leave the house anymore because I don’t want people to see the sick monster I’ve become.
“Don’t you remember her?! That’s that girl who talks about her blog.”
“Yeah, and it’s not even that good.”
I fall asleep to The Nanny and wake up to Dora the Explorer (I sleep with the TV on, its not like I like Dora or some weird shit like that).
I’ve thought of a million ways to kill Dora actually. Throw head into a microwave. Shove her into a cockfight. Give Boots a hand knife and let that crazy monkey have at it.
Again…I’m going crazy.
My parents have a cockatoo. I shit you not, a cockatoo. A teenaged cockatoo, that thinks its soooooooooooo much fun to scream 16 hours a day. That little shit. That too has also been added to the list of “things I dream of killing.” Dora the Explorer…the cockatoo…the one person who actually thinks George Lopez is funny.
Seriously who the fuck is that one person who finds George Lopez funny? You’re ruining late night television for everyone you sick fuck.
God, I need help…