I was reading an article in the paper the other day about how “millennials” (you) would rather text than talk on the phone, and for some odd reason old bitches best be pisssed.
They think we don’t love them or some crazy shit like that. Well, they’re right. We don’t.
Okay, that was harsh. Maybe its not that we don’t love you, maybe it’s because it’s impossible to vomit and talk on the phone at the same time. Your voice seems to have that affect on me.
It’s not that we don’t love love you; it’s just that we don’t love the sound of you.
You sound like death. Death makes me (and most young people) vomit. (Well a lot of things make me vomit, but death is definitely on the list.)
Look it’s a win-win situation, with texting you get to read the lies of how we love you on your cell-phone, while the angel of death whispers sweet nothings into your good ear.
Or maybe, you selfish geriatrics bastards could just stop complaining, stop getting old and suck it up. Did you ever think about that? Oh, of course not, you just do what you people always do and blame us, the higher beings in the world, the people here to replace your wrinkly asses.
And out of all the people in the world you guys know what its like to work for your patriotic rights. And believe me Susan B. Anthony did not not walk to the back of the bus those 100 years ago just to have your death-like fingers just swipe away our texting- privileges.
Ah, the joy of racism against the old.
What about the fact that old people literally breath into the phone like they are sucking your life force from you with the 2 minutes you can bear to talk to them? I can't tell you how many times I've handed off the phone to my mom, her life force is less valueable then myne for sure.
ReplyDeletehaha, what? Yes, we should all thank Susan B. for refusing to leave her seat. I'd rather email than text, because it's free and I have more room to say what I need to say.
ReplyDeleteNot that anyone calls me, anyway.
I like tot ext if I just have something quick to say, if I need to talk I will call though.
ReplyDeleteI hate talking on the phone. If someone needs something, they have to text it. If they won't text it, they don't need anything.
ReplyDeleteThat's harsh, lol. it made me think that damn. I AM not comfortable with phone conversations anymore at all
ReplyDeletewith texting you can have time to think of what to reply :D
Texting is easier because they are so fucking senile that they forget halfway through the text what the hell they were talking about, and I'm saved from hearing about how they played Rook with Gertrude and Bob for 5 hours the other night. Plus, they are cognitively pathetic and don't possess the strength to press buttons for more than 2 secs. So, the reply to my "I'm doing well. Love you." looks like this "mddeea22".
ReplyDeleteAt first I thought "I'd rather talk than text", but then I thought, "I'd rather skype than talk", and "I'd rather text than skype", so now it's a weird rock-paper-scissors thing, one in which I still don't want to wait for an old person to take forever to wheeze "how you doin'?" (my peeps are country)into the phone.
ReplyDeleteDear everybody who ever bothers to read this,
ReplyDeleteTake a good look at the old cause that is your inevitable future! You're all going to get old no matter how much anti-aging cream you use and you're not going to be "cool" anymore. You're going to spend your last days/years rotting in isolation and no one on the entire planet will give a shit about you, no one not your spouse, not your family, not your kids, not the govt, not the celebrities you worship, no one will give a shit, not even your care-takers who are paid to give a shit. I can't wait for this self-obsessed/extremely self-important generation to hit that point. Unfortunately, I won't live to see that happen to you all cause I'm dying tragically young, but the fact that its going to happen to you helps me sleep at night. Great cure for insomnia.
Audie Dayton/Dr.Capt.Stownwhal Jaxson
plz send all angry comments
@ denise omg so true!
ReplyDelete@alexandra i hate hate hate talking on the phone text all the way yo!
@Amanda and Queen of rant.. ditto yos!
@hotcakes me too im so awkward on the phone
@ batman...preach it batman!!
@leonie...ive never skyped but i feel like i would hate it
@Capt...interesting i needed a cure for my insomnia.
LMAO at the right "honorary boyfriend challenged individual". EPIC. Poor old people.
ReplyDeletei sooooo prefer to talk i have too much to say to put on a txt but i agree with hotcakes about txting so you can think about what to say but thats only if its a sensitive subject lol.
ReplyDeletebut ols people are too sterotypical 'we wouldn't of done that in my day' types.
when we get old i dont think our generation will be so sterotypical on the young.
yes shut ya moaning.... lova ya nan lol
I prefer to talk. But I like texting.
ReplyDeleteI think we should a be tinsy bit more empathetic to old people, because one day it's going to be US and we aren't gonna have a clue what the "young people" are using as a means of communication.
So true! My grandma just tells me the same stories even though i talk to her every other week- and she makes up stories about how sick she is to get attention, kinda like the-boy-who-cried-wolf! The worst thing is I'm going to turn into the worst (best?) old whining fart! Ah well it's a cycle I spose.
ReplyDeleteFYI- racism against the old= ageism ;)
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ReplyDelete