With all this talk of a second recession looming in the future, I’ve come to realize that I need to start cutting things out my daily life style.
The first thing to go: friends.
Sorry guys, but friendship is an insufficient use of time and you bastards are costing me a shit ton of money.
Even my porn is free, yet you all seem appalled when I ask you to pay for my male prostitutes? Honestly guys, that’s just common decency.
I blame Judaism. Not that I am Jewish or anything, but the Jews seem like a good scapegoat when it comes to anything money related.
I mean, don’t take it personally, but unless you are willing to pay for my drinks, food, gas, prostitutes, adult videos, drugs and cell phone bill, I don’t think I’m getting as much out of this friendship as I am entitled too.
I know you think you’re cool, and maybe you are, but you’re still not 5 cents text worthy cool.
Or, “I’m not paying for your god damn drinks, Natalie,” cool.
And definitely not , “Get your fucking, Mexican slice of heaven, male hooker out of my fucking room, Natalie,” cool.
Poppycock!
You made me choose, my friends, and my, friends I chose Jorge, my Mexican slice of heaven..
And seeing as there is no fall back plan, this better work. I don’t want to be a hooker.
They won't pay for your Mexican slice of Heaven? How much can he cost? He is charging pesos, right? Not American money. Cuz if he's not charging pesos, I'd worry about his scheme.
ReplyDeleteI was just saying this the other day! lol..
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your little Jewish satire ;-).
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to reading more. you definitely seem like my type.
Your Mexican slice of heaven, Jorge, better make damn good Huevos Rancheros or Migas. Otherwise, he's definitely not worth it. Hot men + home made breakfast = even more money saved! -Meg @ oisme.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteI agree. I dont need my prostitutes paid for but I would at least expect friends to support my crack habit! Sheesh the nerve! =)Loev love love you blog!!!
ReplyDeleteFriends are such bitches. The other day, I asked one of my friends to murder a girl who was talking shit about my outfit choice at work, and she said she couldn't do it. Something about it being illigal? I don't know, but I cut that "friend" out of my life immediately. I think you're making the right move.
ReplyDeleteWhore we can go hooking together!!!
ReplyDeleteI figure sooner or later I'll need some way to pay for Vodka and cigarettes!!!
Don't knock the prosti till you try it ;-). haha jk. besides, bjs and lap dancers make more money for less onconvenience. And friends should really carry their own weight.
ReplyDeletep.s. this is liz from fallingfromprams
I gotta agree, my friends can be expensive.. and rarely ever "pay ya back" when you score them that cute top from Nordstroms they had their eye on for over 6 months...
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna start doing nude modeling again, that made me decent cash and all I had to do was be naked for 5 hours! (joke)