With all this talk of a second recession looming in the future, I’ve come to realize that I need to start cutting things out my daily life style.
The first thing to go: friends.
Sorry guys, but friendship is an insufficient use of time and you bastards are costing me a shit ton of money.
Even my porn is free, yet you all seem appalled when I ask you to pay for my male prostitutes? Honestly guys, that’s just common decency.
I blame Judaism. Not that I am Jewish or anything, but the Jews seem like a good scapegoat when it comes to anything money related.
I mean, don’t take it personally, but unless you are willing to pay for my drinks, food, gas, prostitutes, adult videos, drugs and cell phone bill, I don’t think I’m getting as much out of this friendship as I am entitled too.
I know you think you’re cool, and maybe you are, but you’re still not 5 cents text worthy cool.
Or, “I’m not paying for your god damn drinks, Natalie,” cool.
And definitely not , “Get your fucking, Mexican slice of heaven, male hooker out of my fucking room, Natalie,” cool.
You made me choose, my friends, and my, friends I chose Jorge, my Mexican slice of heaven..
And seeing as there is no fall back plan, this better work. I don’t want to be a hooker.